Infinite boulevard

How does it feel to come across a truth that wants to make you believe that everything you ever held onto thus far is nothing but a lie?
To be there, to have the floor from underneath your feet vanish and make you want to forget all that you were about, is the most terrible of feelings. A feeling that I don’t wish for my harshest nemesis.
Trying to deal with something so affecting, I came across things I’d otherwise not known.
1. People are deceptive. Deception is barely ever constrained to friends and lovers. It could even be the people who you trust your life with.
2. You are and always will be enough for yourself because that’s how you’ve been created. Self-sufficiency will bring you peace.
3. Not everyone you come across in the process of recovery is a victim or a villain. There will be people who have not come across such pain inflictions. Your duty is to understand and not inflict them with your story. That’s the least you can do.
4. This should be one of vital things – Do not change the way you saw the world before you were cast into such a situation. However bad things may seem at the moment, they can and will get better with time. Nothing lasts forever. 

It set us free.
As if our souls had been yearning
to touch, to feel, to make numb
Again
Those that had been pristine for years now.
His touch. Just as how I would want his fingers to run down my back.
He did it with utmost care.
How beautifully he drew constellations on me with his tenderly yet virile hands.
He would name them each.
In these constellations he said that I would find the light in me that I’d been looking for.
He made me learn, uncover, expose, divulge myself.
His touch. A touch that I would want to wake up to for every dawn of my beinghood.

It’s starting to rain.

A drop just had it’s perfect landing on my palm and made me disappear into a puddle of sorrowful thoughts

Of those circumstances when my strongest desires didn’t make the ends meet,

Of all the love that I let go of my grasp,

Of all the lies, that have weaved themselves a safe nest in my heart.

And as I stood there, retracing the path that led to those miseries

I saw a faint hue of violet, followed by indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange, and red in the sky.

And I couldn’t but smile at the colour laden sky.

‘Its starting to clear! Look up!’

There will come a time when all you’d crave for is your own company, when everything that so far seemed as necessary as air would be perfect even without them.

The initiative of self discovery starts here. You never know what becomes futile in the process. Not everything is meant to hold its utility to you forever.

Things and people both lose their importance in the longer run.

It seems quite preposterous how people seem to be obsessed with the virtual existence of a parallel universe where everything that supposedly didn’t work out here would be immensely successful there.

Why? Why do we hold onto something that is virtual? Something that perhaps, exists only in our perplexed mind?

It is after all, you and I that dictate our minds to follow the path we want to.

There is nothing more than this world and the things in it. We are already indebted. A want for another universe will only burden us with a debt that might as well swallow the remnants we’ve got.

There is a reason why things happen the way they do. Sooner or later, or probably never, might we be able to discover those reasons. But don’t we still believe that God exists even when we can’t see him? Don’t we live our days as fully despite the uncertainities that life offers? Don’t we go to bed, knowing that we might not be lucky enough to witness the dawn?

The list is infinite.

Isn’t comfort all that we look for everywhere?

No one would want to walk on a bed of thorns. All we wish for is life to be as comforting as the t-shirt that we wear to bed.

It’s almost like a no prick, only comfort policy that we follow. Because why not? Life should be as comfortable as an old shoe.

What we fail to realize is that, we’d be much be vulnerable to pain and suffering if we didn’t have the taste of it.

It’s almost like having the first sip of hot soup. Your tongue tends to burn a little. But what is soup when cold? Or ice cream that has melted?

There are things that taste better when served in their usual ways.

Setsuko: Why do fireflies have to die so soon?

• 

A mere dialogue which managed to transform the way I thought about the world as kid.

Have you ever seen a grave of fireflies? Isn’t it all mesmerising and captivating? It can manage to hold you still at a place, without hitting you with the realisation that it has been hours of you watching them.

We can’t expect something to flourish and survive in the environment we create for it. That’s just our idea of them. Capturing fireflies in a jar, and watch them glow all night was my favourite thing to do, followed by really dismal mornings when they died.

Things like these, could only guarantee a moment’s happiness and not eternal. Our lives are extinguished in the very act of looking for a moment’s happiness in everything that we possibly can. Bitterest truths.

This bloomed in my garden today. Remember how we begged that old man for one healthy branch of his tree so that we could grow ours? I can’t quite deny the fact that it was your idea.

Spotting those flowers everyday on our way home had become like our favourite pastime. Every day, at around 4 pm, we ran to his house just so that we could have a glance at these flowers. Back then I didn’t even know what they were called.

Up until this day, I am proud to know the very origin of this flower and everything that one should be knowing about something.

I guess that’s what we do when people leave without giving us the answers we deserve. I clung onto the tiny bits of yours that you left with me, every single thing that you ever mentioned is eternally traced in my mind. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to put these behind me. I can’t seem to be nonchalant about the things and the memories that you left behind.

It’s been a year and a half. The plant is as healthy as a horse. No dried leaves, no bugs, no dead flowers. It only blooms gracefully. You might want to know about how our plant is doing, hence. At least, something that we can call ‘ours’

Just in case you’re begining to wonder the origin of this number, it is as random and as special as being our parents only child.

1729 is the only number in the vast infinite boulevard of all numbers that exists as the sum of cubes of two numbers in two different ways.

Just like how you don’t seem to believe what I said, I too wasn’t quite sure who to believe.

Ramanujan and Hardy’s number is 1729. There’s a lot of history to this number. Who thought that the number of a carriage which initially seemed ‘dull’ to Hardy could be made to have infinite worth by Ramanujan.